yuck. Yuck YuCK!
Sorry about the disgusting title. But this shit is nasty. If you think, balls deep is just deep penetration, please do your “grown-up self” a favor and google the meaning.
Don’t worry, I’ll wait here.
So, like I was saying… nasty.
Normally, husband guts the pumpkins and harvests the seeds, but we have been traveling for the last 3 weekends. Unfortunately for me, he didn’t accomplish his usual task.
Here we are Halloween night, and not one pumpkin in my house has been carved.
What will my tiny human think? She’ll definitely think I’m a failure as a mother. She will know the shame of not having her own perfectly carved pumpkin. She will wonder why mommy never made a jac-o-lantern out of her tiny baby hands…
Ha, just kidding.. she’s 1. She has no fucking idea what’s supposed to happen. All she knows is I keep dressing her in a furry suit in hot FL weather.
So, I decide to surprise husband and make the deseeding of the pumpkins a completed task. I YouTube how to accomplish my mission. I feel confident in my abilities despite the lack of any experience. #truemillennial
I go for it!
What a fucking mess I make…. uggghh
Seriously, those vagina monsters on YouTube lied to me. I have pumpkin goop everywhere and water definitely does not help separate out the goo from the seeds.
Why did I scoop it all out??!?!?!? Why did I get skin, slugdge, goo, and seeds????
I rinse it in the stainer and tirelessly pick out weird goopy chuncks. Then I transfer to the rinse bowl… back to the strainer… back to the rinse bowl…. back to the strainer…
I’m literally making NO progress!!!
I’m up to my elbows in pumpkin… trying not to make a freaking mess in the house… praying that tiny human stays asleep just long enough for me to finish.
pumpkin – 1
mommy – 0
I grow smarter, being that I just failed completely the first time.
I gently ease my fingers up the pumpkin wall and scoop just seeds and small miniscual amounts of goo.
I complete pumpkin two in a much shorter amount of time; however one thing is certin…
I NEVER WANT TO GUT A PUMPKIN EVER EVER EVER AGAIN