Going out to eat…

(as a mom)

Let’s be honest…

It blows!  Unless, you’ve left all your children at home with someone else to watch… Going out to eat is such a waste.

Why people WANT to go out to eat?

1. They want to be served

I can’t get served when I have a tiny human clawing at me like the jaws of life.

Going out to dinner is fun for everyone else.  They get to coo and play with the baby. Then food comes… and now she now belongs to me.

I just want to eat my food using both fucking hands.  One hand to hold the fork and one hand for the knife.

Is this a lot to expect?

Will I forever be cocking my head to the side to shove a random bite into my gaping wide mouth?  I look like an idiot that doesn’t know how to eat properly.  I always pray no one watches me “attempt” to eat and hold the baby.

I suppose eventually the little heathens feed themselves and sit alone.  I will have to learn how to eat like a grownup whilst teaching her.

For now, I suffer in silence and pretend it is an enjoyable experience.

WAITER??!?

We need alcohol at the table.

One thought on “Going out to eat…

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